NO. 954 - THE SAGA OF THE REDNECK FARM KID!
No. 954
Jim Davidson -- NEWSPAPER COLUMN
THE SAGA OF THE REDNECK FARM KID!
It is not just by chance that some of my columns that get the most response are those that are just plain funny or at least humorous. Especially in today’s times, we all need a good laugh once in a while -- in fact I could use one several times each day. A friend sent me a story awhile back about the Redneck Farm Kid in the Marines. I truly enjoyed it and felt you might as well. It begins:
“Dear Ma & Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer that all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it’s not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer that you can always sit by city slickers who live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again.
“It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on ‘route marches’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
“This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting metals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges, they come in boxes. Then we have what they call ‘hand-to-hand combat training’. You get to wrestle them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home.
“I am about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6’ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8’ and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Alice.”
Well, I hope you at least cracked a smile when it was revealed that this Redneck was a girl. At this point I don’t want to be politically correct but there are some girls, or ladies, around that can sure hold their own with the guys.
You are no doubt aware that in recent years women, or ladies, have made a strong case for being able to serve in combat roles in the military. While I have not done a lot of research on this, I believe this is permissible in most branches of the service if they can pass the same tests and requirements as the men. Personally I would not want to hold a woman back if this was her heart’s desire and if she could pull her own weight, in the case of Alice, 130 pounds of body weight not heart weight.
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(EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To begin a bookcase literacy project visit www.bookcaseforeverychild.com. You won’t go wrong helping a needy child.)
