No. 375 - NEWSPAPER HEADLINES THAT STICK WITH YOU

No. 375
Jim Davidson...NEWSPAPER COLUMN
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES THAT STICK WITH YOU

If you have a sense of humor, I believe you will really appreciate what I want to share with you today. When it comes to this business we call life, we should take what we do seriously but we should never take ourselves too seriously. Someone once said that life is a span of time in which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. While it does not have to be this way, in many cases this is so true.
The other day I was looking through my files and ran across something that has been tucked back for years that just hit my funnybone. It was titled, Bits Of Humor and was a collection of newspaper headlines that were written in a serious vein, but they each had a double meaning, and upon reflection the other meaning was funny and sometimes hilarious. I might add, before I share these humorous headlines with you, that being associated with newspaper people across the nation is really an honor for me. While I dont work for a newspaper as a full time employee, I know they are under tremendous pressure with deadlines, equipment breakdowns, personnel problems and just the struggle of trying to produce a quality product day in and day out.
If you tend to be critical from time-to-time, all Im saying is that you need to cut them a little slack. In fact, this reminds me of a quotation that will put things in perspective. Its easy to sit in the sunshine and talk with the one in the shade. Its easy to sit in a well-made boat and tell the others where to wade. Its easy to tell the toiler how best to carry his pack, but you will never know the weight of the load, until the pack is on your back. With that said I want to share these humorous headlines and I suspect many of my newspaper friends will get a chuckle from them as well. Since these were headlines, Im going to put them in all caps.
(COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES(RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE(MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE(NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP(ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT(KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS(CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY(ARSON SUSPECT IS HELD IN MASSACHUSETTS FIRE(
(BRITISH UNION FINDS DWARFS IN SHORT SUPPLY(LANSING RESIDENTS CAN DROP OFF TREES(LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF(NEW VACCINE MAY CONTAIN RABIES(MAN MINUS EAR WAIVES HEARING(DEAF COLLEGE OPENS DOORS TO HEARING( (AIR HEAD FIRED STEALS CLOCK, FACES TIME(PROSECUTOR RELEASES PROBE INTO UNDERSHERIFF(OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI(BANK DRIVE-IN WINDOW BLOCKED BY BOARD(
Well, thats the end of the HEADLINES, but while we are on the subject of respecting and appreciating other people, here is a collection of Common Sense sayings that we can profit from if we will just remember to practice them. Each one is prefaced by the words, ITS NEVER A MISTAKE To tell a man how clever or smart or interesting he is. To say I dont know, if you really dont. To ask advice of an expert. To inquireabout grandchildren. To takethe time and trouble to put another person at ease. To listenpolitely to a child. To payan older woman a compliment. To letthe host as well as the hostess know that you had a fine time. To sayIm sorry even when the other person is wrong. To tella man that you value his opinion. To tella parent something complimentary about his child. To guessa womans age five years under what it could possibly be. I believe you will agree its never a mistake to sincerely practice these things. Hope you have a wonderful day. (Jim Davidson is a motivational speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034.)